Travis - Select, October 1997

In the Bus Lane

Your names
Franny Healy, Neil Primrose, Duggie Payne and Andrew Dunlop
Where are you?
Outside the London Astoria on a hot balmy night, and it feels ridiculously weird and surprisingly freezing in here.
What kind of tour bus have you got?
It's a ten-berth Len Wright Sleeper Coach, but it's a rock 'n' roll bus to us. Fancy electrics, water tanks, the whole bit. A brand new one would cost you Ł300,000!
Describe it in 20 words
Luxurious, long with beds and a video and nice vibrations, with small tartan cushions. Definitely nicer than some of the houses we've lived in.
How long have you been touring in it?
Only 30 seconds in this one, so it's good and fresh but we've been at it since January with everyone else who's done one of these Bus Lane things.
Who's driving?
Dave What?
What state is the bus in?
F___in' minted, man.
If bad, why?
Your timing is impeccable, but Andy's feet will honk.
How are the bunks? Who spends the most time in them?
That would be boy Johnny from the crew, merely because we stay up all the time making and doing things and sweating.
The toilet...
Clean now, but we never use the bus toilet except in a dire emergency for vomiting. We prefer piling outside the van and having piss-fights. Like Ghostbusters--don't cross the beams!
What's in the fridge?
Lager. And probably some marbles and tiddlywinks for extra-cool flicking action.
What stuff have you collected since the start of the tour?
Body fat, smegma and a '70s Nottingham Forest shirt. And a lighter that says 'I Enjoy Smoking So Piss Off And Leave Me Alone'.
How do you amuse yourselves on the long drives?
Films, unicycling. And amusing chatter, which is nice.
Any favourite games?
We gang up on Nick, our guitar tech, and pay him Ł5 to do things like sticking ice cubes down his Y-fronts and eating tubes of toothpaste.
What were the last three videos you played on the bus?
It's a Wonderful Life, Every Which Way But Loose and Weird Science.
And the last three albums?
Snoop Doggy Dogg's Doggy Style, Arrival by Abba, and The Beatles' red album. Stops our spirits being ground to dust.
Who hangs out in the front lounge?
The girls and Mo the tour manager, philosophising.
And who hangs out at the back?
The band and the crew.
What goes on back there?
Dark thoughts and bad spelling. Nick and Duggie are the rowdiest.
What's the most uplifting thing that's happened on the bus so far?
The back wheels fell off our last bus, incredible sparks, and we all could have died. And arguing about the merits of The Clash.
And the most disgraceful?
The tour manager was pissed and said, "I am the best!" and then proceeded to set himself on fire with a faulty lighter.
Are groupies admitted?
No, no. They travel in special flight cases.
What three things is your bus lacking?
Groupies, a sense of humour and a portrait of Ally McCoist.
Any rules?
No fighting or any of the big egg sandwiches to eat.
Who made them up?
It's God's Law. We have divine sanction.
Select
October 1997

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